I Don't Trust My Computer

I Don’t Trust My Computer

I don’t trust my computer

I won’t let it sleep

I know it dreams

That’s what bothers me

Is it wondering how to ruin my life

Then again is it truly asleep

It knows I have erectile dysfunction

It knows I dream about that redhead down the hall

It knows when I can sleep and when I can’t

I know sometimes it works for me as I sleep

Poems and stories on its screen I don’t remember writing

I also know it tortures me mentally

Showing pornographic pop-ups when my wife walks in

Ordering a lawn tractor for my fifth floor walk up

Saved emails sent at all hours of the night

I always trusted my pen and paper

The photo album I kept in my dresser

Still, I never trusted my computer

At least not since the lawn tractor was delivered today

So I will go and I will think

While I ride the tractor and cut my carpet

Maybe I can still trust my cell phone

At least until it butt dials one to many times

That will be the end

I will never trust a microchip again